HOW NOT TO BE A SCARY FAN
My favorite event of the year is coming up very, very quickly…The National Quartet Convention in Pigeon Forge, Tn. I attended my first one when I was a kid in 1965 at the Ellis Auditorium in Memphis, and I was hooked. There have been many memorable NQC’s over the years. I was there in 1972 when Elvis (a huge gospel music fan) appeared and took a bow…I’m not sure for what…just being Elvis, I guess. And I can’t forget in 1976 when Rev. Cleavant Derricks, (writer of “Just a Little Talk with Jesus”, “When God Dips His Love in My Heart”, and many others), ill and weak as he was, was brought straight from the hospital in a wheelchair to the stage of the NQC. I remember Vestal Goodman literally running up the main stage steps and praying for him until he gained strength enough to sing “Just a Little Talk” all the way through to an uproarious standing ovation.
Yes, there were great times over the years wherever the convention has been held. Great singing. Awesome story telling. Lasting friendships made. Lots of love and laughter. And I will have to say that for the most part the fans are incredible…wonderful sweet people who just want to hear that bass slide down low and rattle the floor or that sky- high tenor pierce their eardrums with that note nobody else can hit. They want to laugh with Tim Lovelace and Josh Singletary and leave feeling way better than they came.
Of course, there are a few fans who I’m sure make “peopling” difficult for the artists at times, though they rarely, if ever, show it. I feel like in all my years of attending NQC and having traveled for years either as a soloist or with a group, that I have seen and heard and “smelled” enough to be candid. Sometimes fans can be downright scary. Yes…I said scary.
When I started thinking about it, I discovered that scary fans fall into certain categories, and in order to help you not be a scary fan, I Iist them here. If you are an artist, see if any of these ring a bell.
The See-ers
These are the folks who claim they can see into your soul and launch into psychoanalytical babble about how they can read you by the songs you chose that night. I think most choose their songs by how their throat feels, what’s their latest single on radio, their old historical crowd pleasers, a toe tapper, a ballad, and maybe a request at the table. Sets are rarely made on the fly.
The Prybars
These folks are relentless in their attempt to delve into your personal life. They ask too many questions about…everything.
The Monopolizers
If you’re standing behind one of these people, forget about telling your favorite lead singer how much you enjoyed his new song because they will hold the floor until he is summoned to tear down speakers. They don’t seem to notice there are other people waiting to say hello as well. They are akin to the following:
The Corner-ers
I’ve been the victim of a corner-er a time or two, and I’ve certainly been aware of it happening to others. A corner-er will back you off into a tight spot and suck the oxygen right out of the room with conversation. Pray he comes armed with Tic-Tacs. The only rescue is catching sight of the mother whose baby you promised to have your picture taken with and politely excusing yourself. This is where the next category comes in:
The Snappers
Well, actually “snappers” is not a very good word these days since everyone has a cellphone with a camera, but it’s the same principle. Some hold you hostage taking so many photos that if they were developed and printed like the old days they would paper an entire “Johnny-on-the-Spot”.
The Confiders
Heaven deliver me from the person whose name you can’t recall but whose face you recognize from some church somewhere or another who wants to share with “only you” how unhappy she is with her pastor. Awkward.
The Consultants
At my product table years ago, I was lobbied for everything from mineral based makeup to Merle Norman wigs. I’ve had my eye makeup critiqued, my hairstyle analyzed, my nail polish examined and my choice of shoes questioned. Bless their critical little hearts.
The Holders
These people take a hand shake to a whole new creepy level. They hold on to your hand waaaaay beyond any point that is comfortable and I, for one, begin to get a little claustrophobic. Where is that quart of Purell?
The Blockers
Years ago as part of The Lesters product promo Brian would give a pitch for folks to stop by their table and say hello, and he’d end with “And even if you don’t want to buy anything…”, then “Smilin” Dan would interrupt him, “Please step aside for those who do.” He was joking, of course, and it always got a laugh. But there’s truth in it, too. I’ve seen people give up and walk away because they couldn’t get anywhere close enough to the product table to even look.
The Hinters
“I sure would like to get a CD, but $15.00 is just too steep for me, what with mama out of work and all”, as he fingers the Marlboros in his pocket.
The Pirates
I’m sure these folks mean well when they buy one of your CD’s and as they leave state with pride that they plan to make eight or ten copies for the whole family for Christmas. Where’s J. Edgar Hoover when you need him?
I guess my whole purpose here on the eve of NQC is to help us all be better fans and make the experience great for everyone involved. It’s really very simple to be a good fan. Let’s be courteous, thoughtful, patient, gentle, kind…all the things the Bible tells us.
Here…let’s try a little quiz. Multiple choice. You pick the correct greeting to oh, say, Michael Booth. Is it:
(A) How much money did y’all make last year?
(B) Which one of y’uns is the smart one?
(C) I enjoyed your music! Thank you for coming!
If you chose (A) stop reading right here and go back to work at the IRS. If you chose “B”, your name is Jethro. If, however, you chose “C”, you have a great future ahead of you as a stellar gospel music fan and one that no discerning gospel artist would avoid. Congratulations!
Now, let’s go to the NQC and hear the best music this side of Heaven!
Janice
